Instructor: Bridget Turner, BT38@umail.umd.edu, 0102C Shriver Laboratory

Office Hours: Tuesday 12:00- 2:00 PM, Thursday 9:00-11:00 AM or by appointment

Teaching Assistant: Shari Scott, Shari@wam.umd.edu, Office Hours by appointment

The Racial Dialogue and Action Project entails three things: (1) dialoguing, reading, and sharing ideas about race and other diversity issues, (2) receiving training in group facilitation and conflict mediation, and (3) applying the knowledge an d skills learned by facilitating racial dialogues on campus and in community settings. The project combines intellectually stimulating dialogue with community outreach.

The University of Maryland's Diversity Initiative is nationally recognized as a model program. Because of the university's demonstrated commitment to diversity, UM is one of 50 lead institutions awarded a grant from the Association of American Colleges and Universities, with the support of the White House Initiative on Race to create campus-community dialogues that address issues of race. The Racial Dialogue and Action Project's community partner is the National Conference for Community and Justice (NC CJ). Through the NCCJ partnership, students will receive exceptional group facilitation and conflict mediation training during the Fall semester. In the Spring semester, students will continue their training, as well facilitate NCCJ dialogues at high scho ol, college, and community settings in the MD/DC/VA area.

Race is a taboo word, one that is often ignored, de-valued, and uncelebrated. America has a racial legacy that has been passed from generation to generation that is largely based on the color of one's skin, but also includes one's ethnic heritage and c ulture.

The purpose of this Project is to prepare students for the increasing multicultural society and workforce. America's future population will be made up of more females, more people of color and more older Americans. Students in this Project will learn h ow to interact with and successfully engage others who are different from them. Are you ready? Are you adequately prepared the new multicultural world we will have in the 21st century?

• Examine personal values, biases and attitudes one holds about race and recognize how these values and attitudes influence ones decision making and cultural associations.

• Critically analyze various readings on race and diversity

• Learn terminology, questions, content, and issues dealing with race and diversity

• Understand race as a social construction

• Formulate a personal definition and understanding of race

• Experience the meaning of being "different" or "other"

• Articulate ideas, opinions, and point of view in clear, concise and considerate manner

• Become skilled in facilitating group dialogue

• Become skilled in mediating conflict in a dialogue

• Utilize knowledge and training in facilitating and mediating dialogues on race

Attendance is a requirement of the project. Every member of the Project adds a valuable and unique perspective that is essential to the dialogue. Each student is expected to participate in class sessions through questions, critiques, illustrations, suggestions, Project Team reports (Please see description of Project Teams below) and other forms of constructive feedback. Participation will be assessed in terms of the "quality", not the frequency of comments.

Each student is responsible for the material in the readings. All readings for the project can be found, chronologically listed, in the course packet (unless otherwise noted by the instructor). The course packet contains a broad array of scholarly and contemporary readings and is designed to prompt critical analysis and thought- provoking questions, as well as provide a common information base for intellectually stimulating dialogue. The opinions and ideas in the readings do not necessarily reflect the instructor's opinion, rather they represent different aspects and ways of viewing race and diversity.

Each reading has a corresponding assignment sheet that will be handed out during each class to be completed by the next class session. The assignment responses should be typed, and will be assessed on (1) how well the student critically examines the li nes of argument, contradictions, issues and implications in the reading, (2) how well the student makes connections and/or distinctions between the reading and the student's personal experiences/beliefs/attitudes, and (3) grammar, style, organization, and reasoning of response.

A journal reflection is due for each session. The journal entry should focus on student's personal experiences with race, thoughts from class discussion, or a topic designated by the instructor. Each journal entry should be typed, and at least 2 pa ges double spaced. The journal reflections are intended to help students develop the habit of analyzing their personal values, biases and attitudes. In addition, the journal reflections will serve as a chronicle of the student's development throughout the Project. Students will receive feedback (written and/ or verbal) on each individual journal entry. However, the journals will be assessed as a collective at the end of each semester. Assessment will be based on the level of depth, illustration of ideas, and growth in examination of one's views.

The group presentation is critical to the project because it is the culmination of a semester's worth of group facilitation and conflict mediation training, examination of racial and other diversity issues, and team work. Students will participate in group presentations (5 person groups, assigned by instructor) as well as turn in a group report.

Group presentations will entail (1) students selecting a topic dealing with some aspect of race, (2) facilitating a class discussion around the topic and (3) constructing and mediating conflict stemming from the discussion. Presentations will be assess ed on creativity of topic, utilization of effective facilitation techniques, constructing realistic and challenging conflicts, and efficiently mediating conflict. Each group will hand in a report on the topic that contains individual sub-reports from each group member. The report will be assessed on cohesiveness, clarity, rational lines of argument, evenhandedness (both sides of issue) and appropriate use of the English language. The report should be typed, and at least 20 pages double spaced.

At the start of each class session one member of each Project Team (5 person teams) will give a one minute report to the class. Team members will rotate giving class reports to ensure that each member presents. Each report must be discussed and approved by the entire class, and turned in to the teaching assistant. During the September 8 session, students will rank the Project Teams from 1-3 and the teaching assistant will make every effort to assign students to their first or second choice. The three options are:

Web Page Team: responsibilities include creating a design, lay-out, and picking graphics for the Racial Dialogue and Action Project web page, T-shirt, motto and mission statement. The web page will showcase the Project to other college, universi ty, and community organizations around the world. The T-shirts will be worn by the Project members when they facilitate programs and will include the Project motto and mission statement. Members will need to meet weekly, consult with Inform and Human Rela tions Programs staff, and keep the web page up to date.

News Team: responsibilities include reading major newspapers such as the Washington Post, the Baltimore Sun, and the Wall Street Journal and reporting on diversity stories. The news report team will help the Project keep up with the slant, angle, a nd focus of the media as it reports on matters of diversity. Members will need to meet weekly, consult with University Media Specialists, write a script for the informational Project vidoe, and write reports for the Project web page.

Cultural Events Team: responsibilities include reviewing programs (plays, musicals, lectures, movies, etc.) dealing with race and other aspects of diversity and comparing them with published reviews of these programs. This team will help the class plan and outline Project programs for the Spring semester. Members will need to meet weekly, attend programs, and write reports for the Project web page.

25% Class Participation/ Project Teams

25% Reading Assignments

15% Journal Reflections

35% Group Presentation & Report

Grades will be based on the quality, not quantity, of student's work. Successful completion of all of the Fall semester work is a prerequisite for participating in the Spring component of the Project.

I assume that each student in the Project wants to learn and grow as much as possible. I assume that students are committed to producing the best work possible. I also assume that students, although not motivated by grades, would like to receive an A f or the course. In that regard, an "A" in this course represents an exceptional understanding of race in all of its complexity, as well as exceptionally high quality written, oral, and group contributions. Therefore, all students are capable of earning an A.

For the sake of one's children, in order to minimize the bill they must pay, one must be careful not to take refuge in any delusion- and the value placed on the color of the skin

is always and forever a delusion. (Baldwin,1963)

You don't stick a knife in a man's back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you're making progress. (Malcolm X, 1964)

Institutionalized rejection of difference is an absolute necessity in a profit economy which needs outsiders as surplus people. (Lorde, 1984)

None of us alone can save the nation or world. But each of us can make a positive difference if we commit ourselves to do so. (West, 1994).

• August 29: RETREAT

This session will provide an opportunity for students and staff to meet and interact with each other. Students will introduce themselves, participate in group activities, and receive facilitation training. Students will write a journal entry about this experience.

• September 8: COURSE OVERVIEW

This session will begin with an explanation of the course syllabus, student feedback and assigning of Project Teams. a trust exercise. Students will be given materials for the course. This session will include the sharing of excerpts from student j ournal entries, a class discussion about what students hope to gain from the Racial Dialogue and Action Project and a discussion of the readings. The session will end with an exercise that explores the meaning of "privilege."

West, C. (1993). Introduction. Race matters (pp. 3- 13). Boston: Beacon Press.

Ayers, W. C. (1996). Racing in America. In M. Fine (Ed), Off White: Readings on race, power, and society (pp. 129- 136). New York: Routledge.

Wildman, S.M. & Davis, A.D. (1995). Language and silence: Making systems of privilege visible. In R. Delgado (Ed.) , Critical race theory: The cutting edge. (pp. 573-579). Philadelphia: Temple University Press.

Cosby, C. (1998). Prejudice permeates American culture. USA Today, p. A15.

McIntosh, P. (1989, July/August). White privilege: Unpacking the invisible knapsack. Peace and Freedom, 10- 12.

• September 22: RACE, CLASS AND GENDER

This session will provide an overview of race, class and gender issues. Students will discuss readings and then do an interactive exercise to give them first hand experience of issues discussed. The session will conclude with Project Team meetings.

Fernandez, J.P. (1991). Racism, sexism, and ethnocentrism. Managing a diverse work force: Regaining the competitive edge (pp. 34-50). Lexington, MA : Lexington Books.

Langston, D. (1995). Tired of playing monopoly? In M.L Anderson, & P.M. Collins (Eds.), Race, class, and gender: An anthology (pp. 100- 110). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Co.

Frye, M. (1995). Oppression. In M.L Anderson, & P.M. Collins (Eds.), Race, class, and gender: An anthology (pp. 1- 16). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Co.

• October 6: THEORY, PRACTICE AND RACE

This session will examine the issues of race as they relate to theory and practice. We will examine life issues of Latinos, Jewish and Native Americans. A guest speaker will facilitate an exercise dealing with diversity that will help students unde rstand the complexity of race and other aspects of diversity.

Takaki, R. (1993). Between two endless days: The continuous journey to the promised land. A different mirror: A history of multicultural America (pp. 277- 310). Boston: Little Brown & Company.

Silko, L. M. (1996). Fences against freedom. Yellow woman and a beauty of the

spirit: Essays on Native American life today (pp. 100- 114). New York Simon & Schuster.

• October 20: FACILITATION TRAINING

During this session students will participate in facilitation training by NCCJ. Students will be expected to apply knowledge from previous classes and experience to facilitation training. Students will be given an assignment to attend a program on race.

Helms, J.E. (1990). Nigrescence or Black racial identity models. Black and White racial identity: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 17-32). New York: Greenwood Press.

Helms, J.E. (1990). Stages of White racial identity development. Black and White racial identity: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 54- 62, 66). New York: Greenwood Press.

Post, D.W. (1995). Reflections on identity, diversity, and morality. In R. Delgado (Ed.), Critical race theory: The cutting edge (pp. 419- 427). Philadelphia: Temple University Press.

Marable, M. (1993). Beyond racial identity politics: Towards a liberation theory for Multicultural democracy. Race & Class, 35, (1), 113-130.

• November 3: FACILITATION TRAINING

This session will involve facilitation training by NCCJ. Students will also meet with group members to prepare for group presentation. In the group presentations students will be asked to combine previous knowledge on race and facilitation by facil itating their own class discussions.

Keohane, N. (1997). Presidential statement given at The President=s Initiative on

Race Advisory Board Meeting (pp. 1-5). University of Maryland, College Park.

Kidd, J. R. (1992). To love and serve humanity. In R. K. Burke (Ed.) , American public discourse: A Multicultural perspective (pp. 311- 313). Lanham, MD: University Press of America, Inc.

Perry, B. (1989). America's greatest crisis since the civil war. Malcolm X: The last speeches (pp. 59-79). New York: Pathfinder Press.

• November 17: CONFLICT MEDIATION

During this session, students will participate in conflict mediation training by NCCJ. Students will be given an assignment to attend a program on race, class, gender or other diversity issue, and write about how they would have facilitated the pro gram and how they would have mediated any conflict that arose.

Due November 17:

Schlesinger, A.M. (1992). The decomposition of America. The disuniting of America: Reflections on a multicultural Society (pp. 101-118). New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Beck, E. T. (1995). From kike to jap. In M.L Anderson, P.M. Collins (Eds.),Race, class, and gender: An anthology (pp. 87- 95). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Co.

Pierre-Pierre, G. (1998, July). The White wife. Essence , pp. 80, 82, 138-139.Phoenix, A. (1996). "I'm White! so what? In M. Fine (Ed.) , Off White: Readings on race, power, and society (pp. 187- 197). New York: Routledge.

Chesler, M.A., & Zuniga, X. (1991). Dealing with prejudice and conflict in the classroom: The pink triangle exercise. Teaching Sociology (19), 173-181.

This session will involve facilitation by guest instructor on affirmative action. Students will also examine other race issues across the country, including admissions and immigration. After class discussion, students will break into their respecti ve groups and plan their group presentation.

Myers, S.L. (1997, July/August). Why diversity is a smoke screen for affirmative action. Change, pp. 24-32.

Olivas, M.A. (1993, March/April). The attack on affirmative action: Lives in parallel universes. Change , pp. 16-20.

Cross, T. L. (1993). The myth that preferential college admissions create high African American student dropout rates. Journal of Blacks in Higher Education 1, 71-74.

Nagasawa, R., &. Espinosa, D.J. (1992). Educational achievement and the adaptive strategy of Asian American college students: Facts, theory, and hypotheses. Journal of College Student Development (33), 137-142.

Heyck, D. (1994). In the belly of the beast. . Barrios and borderlands: Cultures of Latinos and Latinas in the United States (pp. 318- 326).New York: Routledge.

• Week of December 7: FIELD TRIP

The class will take a field trip to a cultural event. Students will observe event and then prepare a written reflection. Reflection will include how experience relates to race and other diversity issues students have read about, as well as how expe rience relates to diversity issues that student's experienced personally.

• December 15: GROUP PRESENTATIONS & CEREMONY

Through student group presentations, this session will allow students the opportunity to apply race theory and practice material in a discussion in which they will facilitate and mediate conflict. Students will be required to write at least two jou rnal entries about cultural experiences they have over Winter Break and report back to the group in January.

Following the group presentations, there will be an end of the semester Ceremony for students and parents. Students will be awarded certificates certifying them as Racial Dialogue Facilitators. Reception will follow ceremony.

Sampson, E. S. (1970). Choose one of five. In J.C. Williams & M. Williams (Eds.) , The negro speaks: The rhetoric of contemporary Black leaders (pp. 221-232). New York: Noble and Noble Publishers, Inc.

• There will be a January Retreat during the last week in January. The retreat will allow the students to re-connect with each other and plan programs for Spring semester.

In Class Assignment: Read the following article and think about the following questions-

1. Why do you think Joshua wanted to be Black?

2. Can you relate at all to his experience? How? Why? or Why not?

3. What do you think about Joshua=s decision at the end of the story? Would you have made a similar decision given the same experience? Why or why not?

4. Do you think Joshua would have the same experience in a different part of the country? If so, where? What about here in the Maryland/DC area? Why?

What I noticed at the start of it, my first few days living as a black man, were the small things, the differences in the way people treated me. The doorman at my brother's apartment, a man I'd walked past every day for a month, stopped me, asked my na me and where I was staying. A white woman on an airport shuttle looked away when I smiled at her. The hostess at a restaurant told me there would be a long wait, even though there were several empty tables.

I'd thought about the idea of living as a black person ever since I read John Howard Griffin's "Black Like Me" in high school. In 1959, Griffin, a white journalist, disguised himself as a black man and traveled through th

What I noticed at the start of it, my first few days living as a black man, were the small things, the differences in the way people treated me. The doorman at my brother's apartment, a man I'd walked past every day for a month, stopped me, asked my name and where I was staying. A white woman on an airport shuttle looked away when I smiled at her. The hostess at a restaurant told me there would be a long wait, even though there were several empty tables.

I'd thought about the idea of living as a black person ever since I read John Howard Griffin's "Black Like Me" in high school. In 1959, Griffin, a white journalist, disguised himself as a black man and traveled through the rural South. In the 1970s, a white woman named Grace Halsell followed in Griffin's footsteps, writing three books in three years about living as a black woman, an Hispanic woman and a Native American.

I picked up Griffin's book by chance one morning at the Springbrook High School library; I sat there all day reading it, oblivious to everything else, to the end of the school day. Then and there I decided that sometime soon I too, would become black. It's as simple as this- I wanted to know what it was like.

So it was that, in February of this year, I talked with Aaron B. Lerner, a physician who heads the department of dermatology at Yale University. I told him that I, a white, 20-year-old University of Maryland sophomore, had dropped out of school for a semester to live as a black man. And I wanted his help. Lerner was surprisingly nonchalant. Unlike others I'd told, he didn't dismiss me. Instead he explained that Griffin had used derivative of the drug Psorlen to change his skin from white to brown. He also explained that it was suspected that Griffin's early death in 1980 was partially due to liver damage caused by the medication. I told the doctor that I'd had a heart condition since birth, that I was used to the dangers of potent medication and to life-and-death choices.

"Why," Lerner asked. "Why are you doing this?" I had prepared a neat answer. Now I stammered and forgot what I'd planned to say. "I don't know," I finally said. "It's just, growing up in Silver Spring, I've always had a lot of black friends. Whenever something went down, they always said it was racism. Education, jobs, crime, poverty, social misunderstandings- they blamed everything on color. 'It's a white man's world,' they would say." That's what I told Lerner. But there was something else: I'd sympathized with my friends, and I wanted to support them, but secretly, inside, I'd always felt that many black people used racism as a crutch, an excuse. Couldn't they just shrug off the rantings of ignorant people?

In February I left my parents' house to move in with my brother in Baltimore, not wanting to have to explain my change of complexion to the neighbors. I began taking six Psorlen pills a day. After four sessions at a tanning salon, my face was badly swollen and my body ached. A week or so later, my brother, Jon, and I drove home to Silver Spring for dinner. The change in my skin color must have been dramatic. My 9-year-old sister screwed her face into a horrible grimace the first time she saw me. "You're ugly!" she cried. I wanted to smack her but realized she was not really talking about me. Or was she?

It was about a month after I had started the process of transforming myself into a black man that the doorman at my brother's apartment stopped me. Normally, he was polite and deferential. Now he did not bother to hide his rudeness as he asked my name, where I was staying and lots of other questions. "I've walked past you every day for the past month," I said. "I'm Josh. I'm staying with my brother Jon in 708." He looked me up and down, sputtered and stammered. "Just trying to keep it safe," he said. The Psorlen was obviously working.

In early April I decided my complexion had changed enough for me to pass. Over two months the color of my skin had changed from olive to reddish-brown. Someone said that, with my straight nose and full lips, I looked Haitian. It was time to go. On the steps outside our house, my brother shaved my head. I'd had my hair cut pretty short already, and my scalp was tan. Still, just for good measure, Jon rubbed some theatrical skin stain over my head to even the color. When he'd finished I looked in the mirror. It was scary. I wasn't me anymore. I was black.

I was going to make Atlanta my first stop. Waiting at Dulles for my flight, I noticed for the first time how few of the travelers in the airport were black. Most of the black people were working behind metal detectors or pushbrooms. When we boarded the shuttle to go to the plane, I took the first available seat. It was next to a white woman. I smiled at her, the way I usually do. She cut her eyes to the ground. A white man placed a bag on the vacant seat next to me and continued to stand. I wondered why he didn't sit. And then I asked myself if I was looking for things that weren't really there. Nonetheless, during that short ride, I couldn't help noticing something- the moment I met a white person's eyes, that person immediately turned away.

Once I landed in Atlanta's bustling airport I went to the information desk, where a kindly gray-haired gentleman behind the counter was answering questions. When my turn came, his manner changed. "What, you don't have reservations?" he asked in a stern, hard voice. I was well-dressed, in khaki pants and polo shirt, the same clothes I often wore to classes as a white guy at the University of Maryland. I had $1,500 in my pocket. "We have conventions in town, most hotels are full," he said. I found myself trying to be polite to an extent that was foreign to me. I gained new insight into why a black person would act like a so-called Uncle Tom-I was desperate for a little respect. Finally he suggested I take the subway downtown to the Peachtree station and look for the Comfort Inn, a place he described as "pretty inexpensive, at least for the city."

I checked into the room, took a nap. When I woke up at 10 p.m. the city was dark and I was hungry. On International Avenue, I walked into a fancy restaurant. The maitre d' haughtily told me, "Sorry, reservations required." I asked him for an alternative selection. He told me to try across the street. It was an old, greasy diner. Several black men loitered around the entrance drinking out of paper bags. One offered me "some good weed." I kept moving. A little farther along I found a Mexican place. "Long wait," said the woman at the door, "very long." I peered over her shoulder. Inside were well dressed white people and several empty tables. Discouraged, tired, I went back to my room. I fell asleep thinking about eggs.

The next morning when I went to a nearby drugstore, a white employee followed me around the store. At the drink refrigerator, I turned suddenly and stared right at her, letting her know that I knew what she was doing-shadowing me as if I were a potential thief. I'd hoped to embarrass her, but she didn't flinch. She stared right back, hands on her hips. "Are you gonna buy something or not?" she asked. I grabbed some orange juice. "That'll be $1.94," said the woman behind the counter. Pretty expensive O.J." I said. Then don't buy it," she countered. I checked out of my room and went to the bus station. My destination was Gainsville, Ga., the closest bus station to Forsyth County, which I had chosen because no blacks live there.

Following the rape of a young white girl in 1912, two black men were convicted. Several lynchings were recorded following the verdict; the accused were eventually hanged. Using force and intimidation, the white community drove all black residents from the county. The 1990 census statistics on Forsyth County today show "N/A" under all categories for black people. A light-skinned black man called me "brother" and asked where I was going.

"Man!" he said, shocked. "You don't want to go to Forsyth. They got old ways down there, the lynching mentality. You should stay in the city." "I'm sure it isn't so bad," I said, "Things have changed a lot, don't you think?" "Okay, okay, man, it's your hide," he said, backing away from me. "Be safe, brother, be safe." In Gainsville I climbed off the bus. Man, I felt alone. After checking into the Ramada Inn, I went out to explore. From what I could see, walking through the north side of the city, it was like a movie set for an old Southern town, complete with a statue of a Confederate soldier in the square. Three churches within two blocks, some store fronts, few people in evidence. Continuing up Green Avenue, the residential area began, a beautiful neighborhood, the sidewalks shaded with majestic boxwoods. On one porch, two ladies chatted. As I passed, their conversation stopped. I kept walking. When I looked back, they were still watching me. I circled back to my room, called everyone I could think of, needing somebody to talk to. Finally I got through to Earnest Sharpe, a reporter who had written the most recent article on John Howard Griffin. He'd been supportive when I'd called him before. I was confused and angry about the intense emotions that petty indignities stirred in me. I'd hardly started on my journey, but I was already furious, almost to the point of paralysis.

I began to cry as I recounted the events of the last two days, the drip-drop of indifference and fear from the white people I had encountered. Their lack of patience, their downright contempt. He gave me the number of some of his friends in Atlanta. He told me that if things got bad, I could go there. I asked if they were white. I would stay with white people if they knew I wasn't really black. When I looked through the window the next morning, the clouds were gray and the asphalt was wet. The outside looked like I felt inside. I took a shower and then rubbed more stain into my head and face. I headed for a diner I had seen the day before. All of the tables were occupied by white customers. There was one black patron at the counter, and I took a seat next to him. "Where you from?" he asked. "Around D.C." I told him. "Stay there." he said. "Why you want to come down here?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "Look, you're here cause you heard about the New South, right? You've heard we've come a long way and you want to find a new place to start. Well, let me tell you. Atlanta might be the New South, but here in Gainsville, in all these little towns, this is still the Old South," he said. "What do you think happened to all those fellows who used to tell me and your daddy to sit in the back of the bus or to go around back to find the black bathroom? You think all those people died when they killed Mister [Jim] Crow?" We walked together out of the diner, to the town square, said our good -byes.

I continued down the street, heading south this time. There was an abrupt change in the landscape. Pool halls, liquor stores, all the buildings run down. The black side of town. A young, black teenager, bald like me, was hanging outside a pool hall. He had a fierce expression on his face. I smiled. "Whazz up?" he said. A few blocks farther a police car passed, made a U-turn, stopped directly in my path. The cop waved me over. I walked to the car, put my hand on the roof of his cruiser. "Get your hands off my cruiser," he said. I put them in my pockets. "You don't want to do that either." I folded my fingers in front of my chest like a choirboy. He regarded me a moment. "You're new in town, aren't you?" he asked. His breath stank. "Well, we've had plenty of trouble down here. I hope you don't have any more in mind." "No way. No, sir," I assured him. I prayed that he wouldn't ask for my ID. How would I explain this white man's driver's license in my pocket? Visions of Rodney King flashed through my head. "Okay," he said, "Stay out of trouble now, you hear?"

I went back to my room and wrote everything down. When I was done I headed toward the square, where there was a poultry festival going on; it consisted of tents and steel drum barbecues and picnic tables in a parking lot, scored with the live music of a twangy country band. The first thing I noticed was the lack of black folks. There was only one family, eating at a picnic table. The aroma of chicken filled my nose and stirred my stomach. I got up, took a seat at a table not too far from the black family, near an obese white woman, hoping to spark some sort of conversation. "Hell-o," she sang, real friendly in a sweet Southern strain. "Are you enjoying the festival?" she asked. I told her the barbecue chicken was great and that I was from Washington, D.C. She asked where I was going next. "Forsyth County?" she repeated, a look of disbelief crossing her face. "Why would you go there? You looking for trouble?" "Of course not," I said. I told her that I was sure it couldn't be as bad as people said. On top of that, I said, "I'm an American citizen. I can live anywhere I want to." She snorted. "Well, not there," she said. "They'd make you leave." "How could they do that?" "They'd make your life miserable. Nobody would give you a job. They could change your mind, trust me." The tone of her voice, her argumentative posture, was frightening. "Well I think I'll just go and check it out for myself," I said. Her face turned even redder. "You people never get it," she chided me. "Some folks just don't like living with you people. Look what you do to your neighborhoods. You make everyone leave. You ruin everything. You think... " Across the street someone began calling: "Ma, Ma! Are you all right?" She looked over at a young, overweight boy, waved her hand, raised herself off the bench. "Well, goodbye," she said. "Don't be stupid now, you hear?"

I felt tired and sick. I went back to my room and slept the rest of the day and night. The next morning I took refuge in a church. I entered the stately blue doors only to find a room empty, save for a homeless guy, blond-haired, blue-eyed. I asked him about the church's shelter in detail, leading him to believe I was homeless too. His name was Chris. He'd been living on the streets for five years. I asked Chris if he had ever lived in Forsyth. "You don't want to go down there," he said. "Why not?" "Because you're black. Simple as that."

When I got to the room, it hit me. I was sick of being black. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to throw up. Enough is enough, I thought. I didn't need to be hit over the head with a baseball bat to understand what was going on here. Usually, I'd made friends pretty easily. I was nice to them and they were nice to me. Now people acted like they hated me. Nothing had changed but the color of my skin. I went to the closet, pulled out my suitcase. After all of two days, the experiment was over. Maybe I was weak, maybe I couldn't hack it. I didn't care. This anger was making me sick and the only antidote I knew was a dose of white skin. I called my mother and told her I was finished with my journey. All the hurt, all the anger, all the inhumanity. I started to cry.

On the way to the bus station I saw Chris across the street. I called and waved. He motioned me over to the sub shop where he was standing. "I was trying to get a cup of water, but they can't help me. Do me a favor and ask for one, they might help you because they don't know you." I went in and got him a cup of water. I asked him if he wanted anything else. "How about a steak and cheese, and make that a lemonade instead." I paid with a $20 bill. Chris' eyes bugged out. I told him I was leaving town and, wanting company, asked him to walk me to the bus station. He resisted, saying he was tired and didn't know his way around that part of town well. I reminded him that I had just bought him lunch. We walked down Butler Avenue. This time I noticed the pawnshops, cheap food and liquor outlets, the standard ghetto businesses, all of the town's vices packed into this small black community. An old wrinkled black man, his mouth full of gold, sipping on a bottle of Mr. Boston's Gin. We walked on, past black children at play, women hanging wet clothes on makeshift lines, bass music thumping from an open window.

"Lazy niggers," Chris spat. My body quivered, my spine tingled. A shadow must have come over my face, for suddenly Chris became apologetic. I guess he thought I was ready to kick his butt. "Oh not you, I didn't mean you, you're different," said this guy who carried all his possessions in a tattered green duffle bag, who wore every article of clothing he owned on his back. "Of course," I said, "I just bought you lunch." We walked in silence after that. When we got to the bus station Chris asked if I would walk him back to his part of town. "See you later," I said. I thought: Sink or swim, white boy.

The bus came into Gainsville at about 3 p.m. The quiet ride ended in Atlanta at about 4:30. I took the subway back to the airport. A young black woman leaned against the seat next to me. She dozed off occasionally. In her arms she cradled a sack of books. Around her neck hung a stethoscope. Why hadn't she given up? I could return home to my comfortable world. I could wait for my skin to turn white again. She would have to endure.

At the time Joshua Solomon was a University of Maryland student